At the end of last year I made a big decision. It had been coming for a long time but I’d been resisting it. But the moment I’d made it and more importantly had taken action on it I could start to feel my whole being shifting.
Why is it sometimes so hard to come to a decision?
In this case after 7 incredibly intense and in-depth years of training one-to-one in a method of working with dreams as a bridge to the Self I decided to stop working with my teacher. It may be a permanent thing, it may simply be a re-adjustment- but towards the end of last year I just knew I needed to stop.
When you’re involved so intensely with someone or something over an extended period of time it’s as if roots grow between you. Like two trees next to each other your branches intermingle.
And under the earth it is the roots that are entangled.
It doesn’t matter what the relationship is- whether it is with a partner, a friend, a work colleague. We bond through our shared areas of interest and over time the routes of communication solidify into well-trodden pathways.
This is beautiful because of the depth of connection that is possible. We connect through our sameness. As long as we see eye to eye all is well.
There is however a tendency that can creep up on us unnoticed. If we’re not careful we can find ourselves buying into value systems that are radically different to our own.
It starts with small compromises where we may just shove it to one side. But over time these can build up and where there is no possibility of finding common ground on issues that are really important to you, the relationship becomes unsustainable.
If we’re to grow in relationship we have to come up against these conflicts again and again. Hopefully we can communicate with the other person and find a way through. But if not we are faced with a decision.
Do we stay or go?
And of course our own values can change. For this decision to stop working with my teacher it was this, rather than any differences we had, that was the reason that I needed to leave.
It’s a strange thing having a teacher whose guidance is in the area of the spiritual- different to just about any other area of life.
In a way it’s our most personal relationship with our self that the person is getting involved with. It doesn’t matter which religion it is- traditional (Christianity, Buddhism etc), new age (angels, ayahuasca etc) or modern (technology, science etc) the mechanism is the same- we hand over (often without realising it) some aspect of our power.
We invest in whatever is in the teacher or superior role and say ‘I trust that you know better than me’.
It’s such a tricky thing because there are definitely people who are infinitely more expert than me in just about every area of life. And to think that I have nothing to learn means that I can’t grow in any meaningful way.
But how to do it in a way where we open to the possibility of real growth and change without compromising what is best described as our sovereignty?
My reasons for leaving last year were that I knew deep down that I needed to take on this role for myself. This was (and is) the doorway that I need to pass through. I’m not saying I won’t study with someone (or even my current teacher) again.
But right now my growth edge is establishing my own relationship to the source of my power. My teacher introduced me to this way of understanding, but in this case this is a doorway that can only be walked through alone.